I’ve been contemplating the meaning of “surrender,” in the context of searching for a house rental (so that I can move back to an area where I loved living a couple of years ago). I’m not finding what I want/can afford, and wondering it may be time to “surrender to what is.” I may not find a place soon … or ever? The latter feels deeply challenging!. This may seem like a trivial context, but as I’ve reflected over the past week or so, I find myself drawn to exploring on a deeper level.
The Challenge of “Surrendering”
For those with a spiritual orientation, “surrendering” has a familiar ring. Surrender to the “will of the Divine,” to the unknown possibilities that are unfolding, to the Mystery. For most of us most of the time, our scope of seeing and understanding is limited. We can’t see the Larger Picture, the way our life path interweaves with the lives of others – the living, the ancestors, those yet to be born, the diverse forms of life on this Earth and beyond, and the Reality that is beyond our understanding. We don’t have a sense of the interplay of what we call past, present, and future. So it’s challenging to discern the potentially deeper levels of what we’re experiencing…
And then there’s “ego.” Our human tendency to focus on what WE want and value. A natural orientation. And it may be helpful to view the “me” through a developmental lens. We start out lives in a “me” mode, naturally. Typically this softens and expands as we grow, develop, and have experiences that open us to larger lenses. Gradually our point of view may evolve to embrace larger and wider perspectives – expanding even beyond the “we” of family, community, social group and identity, politics, sexual orientation, nationality, to embrace the Earth, the Universe, all Reality, known and unknown.
We may find ourselves trying to let go of ego, to Surrender – to the Unknown, the Mystery. We may sense the deep value of letting go – of our goals, preferences, attachments, “negative” emotions. If we are struggling to let go, fighting our familiar impulses, and in the process, remaining attached to our personal goals – we may eventually realize we are still revolving within the scope of ego, of what “I” want, of “me, myself, and I”! It’s not easy to let this identification go, to leave space for a deeper “Knowing.” And, it is possible.
Isn’t “Fighting” Necessary?
As we explore the obstacles to Surrender, we may also need to consider a powerful objection: we can’t just “surrender “to what is. There is so much in the world that is a mess, needs changing, calls for active resistance and opposition!
This argument goes beyond an ego-driven level of development. It embraces a wider sense of community, a broader caring for the “other,” for people we don’t know, for nature and all life, for the planet. And at the root of this drive, there is usually opposition to those whose point of view is more local, more focused on personal and collective identities – in other words, “not as evolved.”
Don’t we have to be “against” something in order to grow and contribute to the well-being of others, of life on the planet? Don’t we have to tackle whatever contributes to climate change, to persecution, to privilege, to violence and war?
Isn’t “surrender” passive, weak, self-centered or group-centered, and ultimately uncaring?
Exploring Deep Surrender
Let’s go deeper. Yes, in some contexts surrender may mean giving up. Like surrendering to an opponent in an argument, wrestling match, game – or war. The power and commitment of an opponent – person, team, social class, corporation, enemy – may appear overwhelming, Surrender may seem to be the wisest move.
But the kind of surrender I am highlighting here is deeper and more subtle. It is not in opposition to action. This is essentially an inner surrender – a spiritual surrender. What do I mean by that?
When we begin to realize that we are preoccupied with and fighting for a particular outcome – when the possibility of any other outcome feels unbearable and devastating – haven’t we become attached to one perspective, particular outcome, one path among many? These questions may open us to a new possibility – that our view is limited, our goal too specific, our path too narrow… and what calls us is surrender to a deeper knowing.
This is where I want to bring in the Mystery. I am pointing to a spiritual orientation that allows us to remember that there is so much “we don’t know,” don’t understand, can’t understand. That there is an Incomprehensible Reality that the mind cannot grasp or even imagine. Even the word “vast” doesn’t begin to touch it. This doesn’t necessarily mean that we stop taking action, but that we take time for Stillness, inner Space, and Silence – before moving-forward happens. Not just once, but over and over – as a “practice.” Surrender invites us into this deeper way of opening, listening, being – allowing an unfolding that surpasses the ego and the mind, embracing what is beyond the “known.”
Particular events or actions may emerge out of this Surrender – choices that may feel more like “impulse” or “inspiration” than thought-out decisions. Or the inner silence may feel healing, like a blessing, that nourishes us before some kind of action naturally unfolds. We don’t control any of that – we just surrender.
Intimacy with Surrender
This Surrender of “will” and “wanting” may feel strange. Becoming familiar and intimate with it usually takes practice, and for most of us, it doesn’t come easily. In fact, it may feel very challenging and risky – our personal ego, goals and desires get in the way, and the mind continues to distract us from the “danger of letting go.” But the willingness to pause-and-practice may gradually begin to make this process feel more natural, more peaceful. Some of us may even find that it comes easily, or draws from an already-present deep faith. My experience is that sometimes I have to reach the end of my rope, to “give in,” to LET GO and Let In…
However Surrender offers itself – as a quiet realization, a homecoming, a dream image, an exhausted “giving up”- we may eventually experience it as a relief, surprisingly welcome – a gift. If we have already experienced a glimpse, a taste of the Mystery, of the Unknowable and Deep Vastness, this surrender of control may begin to feel like Home. And whatever unfolds out of this Surrender is recognized and received as a gift….