Do you remember where you were living when you were 6? Can you remember your first dog’s name? Do you remember where you put your keys? Remember when you had an argument with your son? Can you remember the route home in your car? Remember what was on your grocery list – useful, since you can’t find it?….
This can, of course, go on and on. I think – though I have no data on this – that these kinds of questions have particular meaning for those of us who are aging…. which isn’t associated with a particular age.
Personal Stories
I think it was only about six months ago that my (adult) son dismissed my comment about not remembering something, with a humorous comment suggesting that I was over-reacting or even joking. Recently that response seems to have been replaced with a supportive comment that conveys understanding. Oh my, I think – it’s real!!
My memory performance varies. A friend reassures me that it will probably improve once I am able to get a solid night’s sleep. That’s reassuring! In my conversations with clients I seem to be more focused than in daily life, so I surprise myself with my memory capacity. When I’m commenting on something and am searching for a particular word to convey my meaning, I am open about my search for the word and pretty quickly I either find the word or a substitute… the moment passes without self-judgment or shame. Wonderful!
It wasn’t so easy last week when I couldn’t remember the five words in my Medicare test. That shook me!
Remedies
Today, as I was going through email, an idea suddenly occurred to me: what’s that program for improving memory? I remember hearing about it…. and after a very brief search, I came across Lumosity. I actually remember hearing a few friends talk about it, so within moments I had explored the possibilities and registered for a year. That feels so productive! I have faith it will help to some degree – and I’m holding on to that life preserver. I like the image.
There’s something else that helps… which is avoiding panic. I am committed to remaining calm, and even smiling with self-compassion. “Oh… there it is again. The word (the place, the situation) will probably come back in a bit, or maybe I won’t even need it any more!” Humor, when available, can go a long way. “We’ll see how this whole thing unfolds.” Self-care, focusing on getting more sleep – pausing, taking a breath, having some patience….
Staying present.
And What If…?
This is the path I am not willing to take very far – yet. But I want to mention it because it is possible that I may need to take it some day. A lot of us do. I don’t ponder the details (will I need to move into one of those places where you start out in a “normal” apartment, and then graduate to Assisted Living, before landing in full-on Memory Care?).
I have pondered aging, approaching death – I work a lot with loss and grief, and my spiritual orientation allows me to consider my death without much fear. I love going to the Near-Death Experience talks where people describe their own experiences of “dying” and returning. But, truth be told, I have not focused on the experience of living here, in a body, without much memory of the past, or of people I love, or what I did yesterday. Without much memory of my spiritual practice? of my existence as a spiritual being?
Helpful Practices…?
The answer to “what-if” is the invitation to return to the Present. Here I am – whatever comes will come – I will have help, whatever the path – and eventually the body will die and the presence or absence of memories won’t matter.
There are two central themes to my spiritual orientation and practice. They focus on Being Present, and letting go of identification with the person. What is here is Awareness – Loving Awareness. Such gratitude for these gifts, which do not require that I remember anything in particular.
Closing Thoughts…
We all have our own paths. And we have this Present Moment. A moment in which we may or may not remember something in particular, but a moment in which we are ALIVE.
And if there are important names and details you sometimes have difficulty remembering – write them down where you will easily find them! I have a (very outdated thing) calendar book, which I look at every day, and “important-things-to-remember” are in there, at the back! Though I’m running out of room, and it’s only June…!